What's in a name

A name a name what's in a name .. A rose by any other name would smell so sweet..but do we really think that ? I mean if it was called fart, or slug or hairy goat weed, we might not pay $10 a stem for one.. or would we ?

Naming our third child has taken a series of twists and turns. I'm not one of those people who can just sit about and wait for the kid to come out. As for looking into it's face and just knowing the right name..well the person that thought that one up clearly hasn't had children or had a caesar and then waited about 24 hours for the kid to be cleaned up before gazing upon them in beauteous adoration.

I love my girls and they are indeed small people of exceptional beauty, but WOW were they horrendous when first born. If i'd waited until i set eyes upon my first, she may have ended up with the name Brunhilda or something that meant..'my beauty is on the inside'. She spent three days bashing against my cervix on her way out and looked like it. My second was marginally more attractive, however her spine tingling scream upon entering this world would have left her named as Banshee or after a famous Chinese Opera star as it's clear from the first 10 months of her life that is indeed her true calling.
Brunhilda and Banshee... - You see this, this is why when those two blue lines appear on the wee stick of truth i MUST find the perfect name. That and the fact that I can barely remember my own name after pushing a kid out, let alone be entrusted to get it right in the bleary eyed emotional roller coasteresque moments straight after childbirth.

Having an unusual name is something I'm rather familiar with,I am also familar with school yard taunting over a name that really was rather a large joke. My parents in their infinite wisdom named me Skye Macleod. In Scotland in about 1700 this may have been prounounced Mac LEE ODD but alas I was born in Australia in the 80's and if there's ever been a country that bastardises names it's these fair shores. In my parent's defence the name is steeped in history, my ancestors coming from the Isle of Skye and all that, but whilst one can explain that over the phone to the Indian Call Centre Employee who is chuckling rudely at the 'comedy that is your name' one gets' over it... rather quickly. At Primary school it was either my rapidly growing mammaries or my name that incited teasing.. High School was spectacular.. starting afreash with none of my old cronies, the first day of school was open field for the Skye Cloud joke. 68 girls sniggered in unison when half way through the roll my name was called. Mrs Cornish our roll call teacher was from the far West of the State and spoke as slowly and as okka as you could ever hope for. 'Skoie MacLOUD..oh heh MacLoud. oh heh heh heh and so it was on 5 minutes into my high school career and the geratric librarian from Boggabri was in on the joke that is the name Skye Macleod.
My mother in law remarked to Husband of the Century after having met me for the first time...'Is Skye aware that her name is a joke ? ' ...thank you, thank you very much.. and so it was that after a quick 9 months of life with the Boyfriend of the Century i became a wife (not a mother) and could ditch the joke once and for all.


But I didn't...beacuse it was unique and special and fun and I had grown to love it. It had 'built character in me, I'd survived the taunts, the misspellings, the giggles across a debating hall as my name was read out.I loved that it tied me to my ancestors and that my parents went up yours to all the dickheads that are going to laugh, this name means something and therefore our kids gonna get it. I loved that they didn't sit down 2 days before i popped out and worked out what every one else was calling their kid and played it safe, they went with it.. Scottish Heritage and all that, or hippie love child as others may think.. but if you knew my daddy you'd know how very wrong that assumption is ! Incidentally i was also born with Red hair and so i reckon they figured i was going to get teased for being a Ranga far more than for my name.
I do go by my married name now, I wanted all of our family to have the same name and husband wouldn't agree to double barrelling the children and ourselves, But often I'll write Skye Macleod on a name badge and just wait for the name conversation to begin.

So to my children, really did they have a hope in hell of something normalesque ? It was never going to be a case of sitting down with the baby names book and randomly picking something, that sounded suitable. I googled the top 10 baby names for the past few years and immeadiately struck them off the list. Our little man was to be William for awhile but i simply can't bring myself to name him that, knowing he may share a class with half a dozen other Will's.
Our girls both have names that essays' could be written about. I often jabber on to randoms about the meanin gand impact and journey taken to name both our girls, people's eyes glaze over and smile and remark they named their kid Ben because....they just liked it and well and good for them.

Husband of the Century (HOC) sometimes wishes for a simpler time of it... at 1am, I may have been known to wake him up and demand an opinion on Katherine as a middle name if it's a girl or Guillame instead of William because it's French and that means he will sound swarthy and sophisticated,
'Um they're nice..can we talk later, the baby is not due for months'
'It's important, listen can you google it, find out the meaning and don't you love the way Guillame rolls off the tounge'
'We're not French'
And so the dialogue goes, me providing ever more spectacular names and him disliking every single one.

When we found out our new friend was to be of the male variety, HOC was excited, 50 % completed in the naming process. I on the other hand got serious about William and began to pour over the names again.
I took the rather intelligent step of asking Jimmy our Chinese cleaner for some help, the Chinese are rather clever, their names all seem to mean something wonderful, like cherry blossom or number 8 for the 8th child.. never a chance of naming your kid something like Kenneth which acutally means boggy marsh in Gaelic..
'Jimmy can you tell me the name for strong warrior in Cantonese'
Always obliging Jimmy thought and prounounced 'hiiiio wah'
HOC was hovering nearby and I repeated it to him,, what about it darling 'HIIIO waaah '
'ah miss Skye..no you just said Boggy Marsh...
Cantonese is tonal you must be very careful and on we went in the lesson on Strong Warrior, until after 10 minutes i had labelled my unborn son stale bread loaf, tractor with 1 wheel and Boris Becker but had failed to crack Strong Warrior.
Safter to avoid all names with a tonal aspect...lest i accidently call my child donkey penis or purple pansy instead of soaring eagle or fearless protector.

It's a tricky business this naming. And so it goes on.. the other night i wet my pants thinking of a brilliant joke name. 'Noel' I could say that we named him that as he was conceived at Christmas time but then 'Noel Wells' ... hilarious...HOC rolled over and snorted and covered his head as i chortled 'The First Noel' rather dementedly whilst rolling about in the bed. The boy upon hearing his name, booted me hard enough in the bladder to make me stop..I think when the child it's self shows such disdain..it might be time to stop.
At last count HOC has rejected about 70 names but we have one at last..it's been nice to call our son by his name, to admonish him when he takes a nose dive into my nether regions and to tell him i love him by his own name. I love the name, HOC did not reject it first time around about 2 weeks and 46 midnight waking sessions later he agreed it was the one. We've practiced job interviews with it, we've practiced saying it as a kindergarten kid, we've thought of him as old man booming out his name in the bank queue and it works across the ages. It means something brilliant and speaks over him what i hope will be the journey with this babe and I reckon it's a winner.

Now onto the second name...
'Darling , Darling ..wake up what sayeth you to Amadeus ..it's brilliant, it means ..Darling are you awake, it's very important.